My Horizontal Life

My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler

I'm pretty sure that this is one of those things you shouldn't admit to liking.  I thought it was a book I could keep under wraps and no one would be the wiser.  Then my hubby found it.........and read it before I could. 

Chelsea Handler has no shame when it comes to laying out what she can recall of her wild sex life.  The antecdotes were funny and somewhat surprising what she wasn't willing to do. 
The read, like many loose girls was cheap and easy.  The language was foul.  The alcohol was flowing.  How she didn't spot the gay guy I attribute to Ecstacy blindness.  I feel like I should soon take an oath to get back on the wagon of cleaner entertainment......right after I read Chelsea, Chelsea, Bang! Bang!

Rating 2.5  I can't rate it higher than 'Vodka' which was a better book.  Still docking points for the blatant vulagrity and obvious alcohol and drug abuse......there can be too much of a good thing.
Rating R  Sex, language, drugs, alcohol.

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me Chelsea

Are You There, Vodka?  It's Me Chelsea

I shudder to admit that I read this.  But it was still funny.  Chelsea Handler of Chelsea Lately, a stand up comedian and unacknowledged alcoholic busts out short stories in this memoir.  As you may know, I am not a fan of many a memoir.  Ruined by 'Running With Scissors', I don't need to know the sick details of your putrid up bringing.  She keeps the family parts pretty upbeat though.  No molestation or reading your own fecal matter like tea leaves.
I am struggling between giving this book a 1 and an X rating for her obscene amounts of consumed alcohol, Ecstasy, and men.........and possibly a 3 and an R because I laughed pretty hard at parts.  She and her father together are a crack up.  Her dad reminds me of the dad on King of Queens. 
This book is light reading and pretty funny but beware.......so, so foul which is not a surprise if you have ever heard of Chelsea Handler.

Rating 2.5  I did laugh, but her explicit language and extreme substance abuse, whether real or beefed up....got a little tiring.  At some point it stops being funny.
Rating R   Lots of sex, lots of language, lots of drugs and drinking. 

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

Hello.........I just laughed so hard I wept.  I'm not kidding.  When I first heard of this book.....and it came highly recommended.....it sounded less than 'meh'.  I was uninspired by the title.  But I figured my girl knew her stuff and so I read it anyway (even my librarian looked at me like my time would be better spent elsewhere).

There were some giggles as Sedaris described his family relationships and silly vignettes of childhood happenings.  Then I get to the chapter 'Six to Eight Black Men'.  My husband heard my hysterics from the other room.  He asked me to read aloud what I thought was 'so funny'.  I couldn't do it.  I couldn't hold it together.  I laughed until tears leaked down my face.  Now I will grant you that I was under abnormal stress and the hour was late....but I stand by my opinion......David Sedaris is a riot.  I am beyond slightly disappointed that he is gay because that leaves very little room for me to marry him, live in a foreign country, and laugh the rest of my life away.

Rating 4.5
Rating   um I laughed so hard I don't remember anything else that happened.....I think there may have been swearing, oh yeah.......there was a masterbation scene and homosexual content......so erm...maybe R.

Mao's Last Dancer

Mao's Last Dancer by Li Cunxin

Under the crushing poverty prevailing throughout China during Mao's communist reign, Li Cunxin's life began.  He was one of seven boys born to peasant parents in a commune called Quingdao.  With newspaper to cover the walls, tickets to purchase water, scant amounts of food, and no plumbing, Cunxin grew up in a very loving family.  At eleven years old, communist leaders came to his school and chose him to begin training as a dancer.  Ballet combined with other forms of dance were being used to promote Mao's communist agenda.  Cunxin was taken from his family, which brought them great honor, and was basically tortured into becoming one of the worlds best ballet dancers.
The story follows Cunxin through childhood in his proverty stricken commune, through his rigorous and painful training, all of the way to America.  Upon arriving on American soil, Cunxin came to find the truth he had always know, shattered.  America was not the poorest country on Earth, covered with roving gun weilding mobs.  In fact everyone was beyond gracious, there were freedoms he had never imagined, monetary income was staggering, and the availability of food was nearly fantastical.

The love alone that the family members had for one another during such oppression made the book worth reading.  Historically and politically the information was made easy to read through Cunxin's fabulous narration.  Though by the end I admit skimming at parts.

The book is now what appeared to be a breathtaking movie.

Rating 3.5
Rating PG - PG 13  Not the kind of violence I anticipated.  Mostly very harsh treatment and living conditions.  Sexual relationships in adulthood.

The Glass Castle

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

Normally I try to steer clear of memoirs.  In other instances the people tend to be overly self centered and twisted.  I assume that is part of the reason they would have a story to tell.  But I kept having this book come up repeatedly in conversations, so I decided it was time to pick up and give it a try.
Jeannette Walls began her life as the second child of an alcoholic father and a mother so free spirited she basically gave birth and let the children fend for themselves.
The family was on the move, or doing the 'skedaddle' for years before setttling in the poor mining town of Welch, West Virginia.  The children seemed to be in mortal danger from the moment of their existance.  Much of the time they were not supplied with food or clothing.  Their shelter was beyond questionable.  Yet the children survived and pulled themselves from the dregs that surrounded them and became from what I can tell, bright, capable, and even successful people.
At times Rex (their father) had great depths of widsom and charisma and then he would do something so astoundingly wretched to his family I wanted to reach through the pages and smack him.  Rose Mary (mother) did less than zero to protect her children from the ravageous that alcoholism brought upon the family.  As a mother this was harder for me to stomach than the baseless acts of the father.
All in all Jeanette somehow found something within herself that in most of us would have suffocated and died.  She and her siblings did well in school, took care of each other and their parents, and eventually made their way to New York City. 
The clarity and hope that veined throughout the book made it palatable when it shouldn't have been.

Rating 4.5  Only because I don't think I could read it again.
Rating R Alcoholism, child abuse, sexual content, language (The father had a colorful mouth......which I have to say I appreciated most of the time.).

Measure of a Man

Measure of a Man by Sidney Poitier

This book is subtitled a spiritual autobiography. I suppose that Mr. Poitier means spiritual in the sense of an idea like nature since he can't claim to believe in God unless he is 'up against a wall'.

Sidney was born to Evelyn and Reggie Poitier on Cat Island in the Bahamas. He spent his first ten years on that island. He had interesting stories during this time of his life, like the time he nearly drown in a canal. He seemed to come from a good family. I liked learning about his parents.
When he was ten they moved to Nassau. This is were his life became a little more of the world where before he had lived mostly outside of the world. He went to about two years of school where he learned enough reading to get by. He also made friends. This is where he begins to learn that his skin has a color and that color makes a big difference in the way he lives and in the way people see him.
Later he moves to Miami which he doesn't really like. He finally ditches Miami and takes a bus as far away as he can get, which happens to be New York City. He struggles here. Takes odd jobs, washes dishes. He tries out for a theater group and doesn't make it. He tries again later and does. He marries young and has children. He opens his own rib joint and barely makes it by.
He finally makes it into theater and then movies. He doesn't give great particulars, he just seems to know the right people and make the right moves. He makes movies during the 50's and 60's.......a time of great turmoil for the nation with Vietnam and race movements.
The factual parts of this book are interesting. I wish he would have stuck to that......but this was more theoretical/emotional/Sidney's personal view kind of memoir. Those are the parts I didn't like. He seemed to ramble and sometimes I had to speed read. He swore a lot. Some of it was warranted but a lot he just wanted to sound masculine and tough and it made him sound foul and unimaginative.
Rating 2 I loved the history and the facts. I would have loved to hear more about his life as a black man crossing many of the race lines as an esteemed actor. The parts where he just rambled about his life theories and views I could do without. There was a story in there somewhere but I think it was probably only 50 pages long.
Rating R F bomb many times. I would say only the language lead me to this rating though, otherwise clean.

Eat Pray Love

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert







Liz Gilbert, in a time of crisis, decides that she will travel the three I's, Italy, India and Indonesia learning about pleasure, meditation and balance. She has just come from a nasty and long divorce, intermingled with an on again off again, highly emotional relationship with a boyfriend.

In Italy Liz eats herself blind. She indulges in pasta, pizza and gilato. She also learns to speak the lovely language....Italian.

In India she lives in an Ashram with learning to meditate. She struggles through learning to calm herself enough to be able to meditate.

In Indonesia Liz hooks up with an elderly medicine man and a young medicine woman. She tries to learn about balance in her life. She also takes a lover.

Liz is witty, hysterical and so personable. I love her 'voice' and writing style. This book was so easy to read. I had my doubts though considering how popular it was and most of the time I disagree with the general population.

Like most of America Liz is a little warped with selfcenteredness. She definitely travels the three I's meaning she really thinks A LOT about herself. I know most of us tend to do this, but it was strikingly apparent that most of her problems stem from only indulging in herself.
I enjoyed her time in Italy almost as much as she did and her humor always won me over. I loved learning so much about the countries she traveled to, which surprised me a little. I'm not much of a travel log reading kind of girl.

I had a harder time with India, but then, so did she. This is where I really started to realize that she was looking for God, but only if He would let her abide by her own set of rules. There were some deep thought provoking moments though. Her emotional struggle really intensified here. She needed to think about someone else besides herself for awhile and I think she would have pulled through a lot faster. As it was she spent all of her time completely in her head and torturing herself. This is why I don't meditate. I would make myself miserable. I think she did hit upon some good advice and 'truth'.

Indonesia is where it started to unravel a little. She went to spend time with this wise old sage she had met a few years previous. She literally just showed up in Bali to hang out with him for four months after having met him once. Gutsy. I have to say that was something I really admired her for. She flew by the seat of her pants and experienced so much, in so many places. Liz hung out with the old man and also met a medicine woman that she had a lot in common with. For a brief second Liz thought about someone else and helped this woman and her children in an awesome way...........although she didn't have to work too hard to do it. She also finally succumbed and took a lover. She seemed pretty happy about it, but that is where the discovery and 'truth' finding sort of fell apart.


Rating 4 I did really like Liz and her sense of humor. I learned about three countries, religion, meditation and yoga. I felt like there were some good nuggets to think about.


Rating PG 13 A situation of 'self discovery' that I wasn't wild to read about.